The Week Before Christmas

'Twas a week before Christmas;
And all through the 'book
People were clicking
Because they were hooked.

They were blaming Obama 
Cuz the world isn't perfect
Instead of being good people
That just isn't worth it

Posting fake science
With a pic and a quote
Because reading too much
their brains might explode

I should have been sleeping
But I kept on writing
Every single like
Yeah, the people are biting

When all of a sudden
Just to be nice
My old friend on Farkle
gave me five magic dice

The children were nestled
All snug in their beds
While screens burnt on their retinas
Danced in their heads

With me in my cardigan
And ma in her separate home
I curled up with London 
So I wasn't alone

And right down the chimney
A man dressed in red
Jumped from my fireplace
And hit his fat head

He tried to rob me
But alas I had nothing
His hurt disappointment
Now that was something!

He got back into the fireplace
put his thumb to his nose
He gave me the finger
And up the chimney he rose

I kept on drinking
My lousy cheap beer
Somehow he found
eight flying reindeer

I heard him exclaim
As he flew off the roof
"Don't call the police, now
You ain't got no proof!"