Fifty Shades of Porn

So, Fifty Shades of Grey is a thing. Apparently, it's hugely popular, and being marketed as "literature". It's about lots of nasty sex. I guess it's because modern porn has lost any sense of storytelling - I have to assume.
Well, I want to jump on this bandwagon. People will LOVE this blog.
What follows are excerpts from a maybe-never-to-be-completed book of mine, "Fifty Shades of Porn".

Scene 1

The day was hot, but most are here in southern California. I was working, cleaning pools and listening to my "Pool Cleanin' Jamz" playlist. This neighborhood was the best, with lots of pools that didn't really need cleaning. I felt more like I was stirring a gigantic pot of soup.

This day, however, was different. A squirrel had fallen in Ms. Nesbitt's pool, and died with a very confused look on it's face. I scooped him up carefully, and put him discreetly in a bag that I would later bring home, and dress him like a little Storm Trooper for a Star Wars fan movie I'm making in my mom's basement.

As I bent down to tie the bag, I felt as if I were being watched. I turned, and indeed Ms. Nesbitt was looking through her window. She asked me to come in.

The kitchen was huge, with a large, but suspiciously empty island in the middle. I was reminded how much other people were not used to the hear, as Ms. Nesbitt was wearing next to nothing, and what she did wear was barely enough to cover herself. Funny, though. The air conditioner was working...

Scene 2

No one thought much of my job. Delivering pizza was no way to make a living. Maybe not, but they didn't know about my trust fund. I promised myself I would always hold down a job, no matter what. This job was a great one when you didn't really need it. Mostly driving.

I was in an upper-crust part of town, admiring the houses and just how much cleaner the air seemed to be here. It wasn't the sort of neighborhood that I typically delivered to.

I arrived at my destination, and was buzzed through the main gate without hassle. I got the pizza out of the car, one cheese and one sausage. I walked to the door and it opened without having to knock. I was greeted by my accountant's daughter, Suzette, who must have been celebrating her 21st birthday, as she was noticably inebriated. She was a smart girl, working on her degree in biochemistry, and planning a trip to Europe this summer.

She had a friend with her, also inebriated. They looked at each other, then at me, their eyes wide. I was contemplating the look, when I realized they must feel terribly embarrassed, because the friend spoke up first:
"Oh no, you brought our pizzas. They smell so good, and we're so very hungry, but we don't have any cash on hand to pay for it."
"I'm sure we can think of some way to pay you." said Suzette.
I was more than happy to help the girls out. They seemed nice enough, and there wasn't much else I could do with the pizza.
"All right", I asked,"who wanted the sausage?"