The Discovery of Fire

The Discovery of Fire
Based loosely on a true story

  Og was a relatively peaceful man. He wandered about randomly in his loincloth, like most folk, most of the time, until it got   really really   itchy. The rest of the time he wandered about randomly in the nude. He never picked fights he could not win, and when he clubbed a woman over the head to bring her home, it was never to hurt, only to bring them closer together. Sick, you may say, and I would be the first to agree. But these were harsher times, and instinct ruled over thought. Any gentleness in that time is worth remarking on. Trust me.

  He, like many of his bretheren, were really without a sense of purpose. Oh, indeed there was a purpose, greater than most at the time to fathom were they told simply to their faces, just no one had any sense of much of anything back then. I think the name Og should have given that much away.

  Og's purpose, for instance, though he would never realize it, was to finally do something specific after being
referred to in conjunction with everyone else for the first two paragraphs of the story. This is eventful to anyone. Try writing a story of your own life, for instance. See how many paragraph it was before you did something specific, something to  look back upon and say to yourself "That was all me".

  After failing in his initial purpose, his seconary purpose was to do something in the fifth paragraph, and this was failsafe. This time it would work, because it required no direct thought on Og's part. It was involuntary, yet it was so significant(though that significance will elude you for a little while yet), that     it   the whole fourth paragraph  is.
 
  Og woke up with mankind's first ever nasty nasty back twinge.
 
  Og's back really hurt were it to bend at all. His brothers, Ugh and Ugh, were kind enough to bring back some leftover's of the day's hunt, but Og would have his dignity back, just as soon as the concept were invented. For now he was content, except for the excruciating back pain.


  He eventually found the pain was easier to block out were he to walk around . Unfortunately, he kept hitting his head on the cave ceiling, and had to leave the safety of the cage. Ugh was out there, spear in hand while Ugh was trying to scare an animal out into the open.

  "Unga." said Og, eyes adjusting to sunlight he'd been out of for the last few days. (translation: Goddamn it, it
feels like Monday)

  "UG! OOG OOG OOOOOOOOOOG!!!!" Shouted Ugh (translation: "Shhhh! I'm hunting wabbit!)

 Unfortunately, the concept of being quiet yourself while telling someone else to be quiet still eludes many today.

  Og noticed something. Since he had to stand up straight, he was taller. Things looked different from this much higher. He cringed. Different. The concept produced not only an intense fear, but something new as well. Curiosity. He looked around from his new-found height. Heights from which no man not standing on a small boulder had dared view things. And since there were no small boulders in the immediate vicinity, he was relatively certain that he was the first person ever to see things from this perspective.


  He saw a bunny.

  Ugh and Ugh had certainly not seen the bunny, for they could not see over the small shrubs that perpetually
fogged their sense of existence from the Everyplace Else. Trust me, it had been a really sheltered existence to this point.
 
  Og tapped Ugh on the shoulder, and pointed toward the small shrubs. Surely Og had gone mad, pointing at the leafy greenery that is the border of all things, nothing of significance could come from  where beyond which is nothing.

Could it? He watched Og walk to the edge of the known universe, apparently to walk beyond it's edge into the infinite void, now higher in stature than the border itself. He walked up to it, parted the branches of eternity, and stepped through

  Ugh fell to his knees. The evil back demon had obviously possessed Og, and taken him into the sprit world. This was actually the single event that sparked the future of organized religion. Ugh wept, and cursed the name of Uggelmoceekee,  whom he had made up on the spot along with this entire concept.

  Ugh heard his brother's cries of woe, and rushed to his side.

  "Ung ooga ug ugga?" Said Ugh ("What is wrong, brother?")

  "Og Ug Ugh Ugga Oog oog" Ugh replied ("Our brother lost all hope, and went into the great nothingness beyond the shrubs")

  "Ooog." Said Ugh ("Shit")

  They both startled upright, spears in hand, when the leaves in the bushes rustled moments later. Og reappeared, standing taller than anyone, and holding a rabbit.

  The trick of pulling a rabbit out of nowhere is still performed to this day.